I was having a conversation with a family friend recently and the topic shifted to the importance of forgiveness.  My conversation partner mentioned that she felt like she was pretty good at forgiving people and I responded by telling her that I forgive, but that first I need a resolution.  She very quickly pointed out that that was not, in fact, forgiveness because forgiveness is not conditional.  When she said this, I had an immediate physical reaction.

I wanted to argue with her, to defend myself, and to tell her that you can’t just decide to forgive someone.  I wanted to say that you have to truly feel forgiveness before you can bestow it upon someone else, and as much sometimes I wish I could, I can’t choose what to feel.  Clearly, her comment had struck a nerve, and in my experience, that typically means that someone has shone a light on a truth that is difficult to face.

Since our conversation, I noticed that messages about forgiveness were popping up all around me, and once again, I knew that the universe was trying to show me the places inside of myself where I still had room to grow.  If I am going to be really honest, I have not been very good at forgiving people.  I have struggled with holding on to hurt and anger, and at points, have held grudges for very long periods of time.

I used to think of forgiveness as something that we do for someone else, to release another person from their guilt, but in recent years, I have had a new experience of forgiveness.  I have had moments in which, quite spontaneously, I could feel myself releasing the hurt and anger that I had held onto from old, broken relationships.  These moments left me humbled as I felt the heavy burden of carrying all of that negative energy lift, and this new sense of lightness led me to the realization that forgiveness is much more about the individual who is giving forgiveness than the one who is receiving it.

The actions of others that tend to hurt and anger us the most are usually the ones that reflect the parts of ourselves with which we struggle most intensely.  The things that are the hardest to forgive are often the things that hit closest to home, the things that we too feel guilt around.  Just like you have to truly love yourself before you can love another, you must also forgive yourself before you can forgive others, and the key that unlocks the door to forgiveness is compassion.

Jack Kornfield says that, “forgiveness simply means never putting another person out of your heart.”  As we develop a deep sense of compassion for ourselves, we can extend that love and understanding to include those around us.  While it may not be possible to simply choose to feel forgiveness toward someone, we can start with trying to understand that person.  Even the tiniest spark of empathy can be fed and tended to until it builds into the full flame of compassion that allows us to release hurt and pain and to let go The temporary tattoos in the Conscious Ink Store were designed to promote personal growth and inspire people to live the most authentic, blissful lives they can imagine.

As humans, we do a lot of pretending. A lot. A lot. We may pretend that small talk is interesting. We may pretend a problem isn't really a problem. We may pretend that we're not truly responsible for the state of our lives. If life was an acting class, we'd all get "A's"! But when we "pretend", we live in a fake world, a world that doesn't exist.  And we can't change anything in a world that doesn't exist. And we wonder why things stay the same. It's kinda funny, in a predominantly materialistic world, where possessions are lauded, we humans, really don't want to "own" anything! Well, anything that requires our responsibility, our accountability.  Of course, it's understandable. For the most part, we've been living in a world that equates responsibility with blame, and shame. We don't want to posses anything that could land us in hot water. But here's the problem of shunning ownership of a situation in our lives: If we don't own something, we have no power over it. It's worth repeating. If we don't own it, we have no power over it. Quite literally, too. We have no control over something we don't own. We can't paint a car with pink polka dots, if we don't own that car. But if we own that car, we can change it, modify it, improve it, anyway we like. Fun times. The same applies to anything we're willing to own...a challenging relationship, an unsatisfying job, our self-defeating behaviors. When we take personal responsibility for everything in our lives, the first thing we may notice is that...it's freeing! The opposite of what we may have thought. The truth is light, very, very light. The next thing that we may notice is that...we feel energized! Pretending, hiding, posturing are all very heavy, draining energies. So, here's the invitation: Own some situation in your life you've been afraid to acknowledge. It can just be to acknowledge it to yourself to start. Try it on. Own it. Then if you're feeling brave, say it out loud. Sing it. Dance with it. More brave? Share it with a friend? Even more brave? Share it with a person that is directly involved with your newly acknowledged truth. Then implement wonder. Get curious about how you may have been subconsciously attracting the situation. How do those energies feel familiar? Where did you learn these behaviors? Then implement compassion, for yourself, and everyone involved. Once you're ready, ask yourself what actions and behaviors would set yourself up to receive what you truly desire. What actions and behaviors would reflect your authentic self, as opposed to your wounded, subconscious self? Breathe. Let those sink in. Make a commitment to these new self-loving, authentic actions and behaviors. And if you falter, give yourself a break. Simply re-commit. Be gentle. Yet, move forward. One step at a time. Courage, dear heart.   Frank Gjata Founder, Conscious Ink

Stacey Lorin Merkl, Founder & Executive Director of Realize Your Beauty, reached out to Conscious Ink for her nonprofit’s New York City event when she realized that her own mission and that of Conscious Ink were perfectly aligned. “Realize Your Beauty is all about youth empowerment and Conscious Ink is all about empowering people with their tattoos. The messages of positivity, working to empower others, and helping them to believe in themselves - though we do this work in very different ways, at the end of the day, we have that strong commonality.” The event was a wonderful success and as the pictures poured in, we knew we had to feature Stacey, her organization, this event and her mission. This is her story of outreach and impact.

How was Realize Your Beauty Born? 

At a young age, I fell in love with theatre arts, and I knew that in some capacity they would be a part of my professional life. When I was about 14 yrs old, I had a mentor who used theater/music as a means to help those infected with or affected by HIV/AIDS. When I was 15, I began performing with his organization, helping with the fundraisers, and so on. It was this experience that taught me I could use what skills I had in theater arts as a means to help others. For me, that realization changed everything.

After years of struggling with my own serious body image and eating disorder issues, it became clear to me that I wanted to spend my life empowering young people to feel good about themselves, to see their value and truly to understand their worth. With my background and skill set, using theatre as a means for social change was the natural path for me. For all these reasons, in 2010, I founded the non-profit organization, Realize Your Beauty, with the mission of promoting positive body image and eating disorder awareness to children and adolescents through theatre arts.  

What was the event that Conscious Ink sponsored all about and what inspired you to create it?

Conscious Ink so generously sponsored our annual event, Realize Your Beauty Day, which is an International celebration of inner-beauty, kindness and self-esteem: a day to celebrate what makes you uniquely beautiful. Conscious Ink sponsored our NYC Celebration, which was the main event for the organization. The event was so much more than what we could have hoped for! We had people of all ages in attendance: high school groups, parents and grandparents with young children, Girl Scout Troops - everyone was smiling and enjoying the activities! We had jewelry making, face-painting, a juggler, live music, live theatre performances, crafts, activities, and even a ‘Tattoo Parlor’ (sponsored by Conscious Ink!). All of the activities had a common theme: inner-beauty and kindness. The space was very generously sponsored by BALANCE Eating Disorder Treatment Center, and we were so lucky to have Denise Bidot (Plus Sized Model, Activist and Founder of No Wrong Way Movement) as our Guest Speaker. Everyone was so supportive and engaged with the presentation, and Denise Bidot gave a wonderful speech. It really helped the whole day come together, and reinforced the message behind the day: a day to celebrate what makes you uniquely you!

If you could tell the world one thing, what would it be?

If I could tell the world one thing, it would be that we are the most beautiful when we are the most ourselves. Be yourself, let yourself just…be you. You bring something to this world that nobody else can, because there is nobody in this world just like you. That seems so overly simple and maybe even trite- but it’s the truth. We all have different life experiences, along with our natural personalities and strengths, that combine to make us unique individuals. And we all have something positive we can share and contribute to this world – and the word desperately needs more positive contributions! The beautiful thing is that the more you’re able to love and embrace who you are, the more you’re able to love and embrace others.

 ***

Conscious Ink was honored to contribute to the Realize Your Beauty event. When Frank Gjata founded Conscious Ink, he wanted the simplicity of a Manifestation Tattoo to have lasting impact by using the power of words as a regular reminder of our power. Stacey shared her own thoughts on the power of words and they perfectly reflect the heart of Conscious Ink: “I think many people underestimate the power of their words. Words inspire us, they influence us, they help to shape the way we think. A positive mantra can have a very powerful effect on our day to day lives, by helping and teaching our brains to think of things in a positive way. Words have power, and the way we speak to ourselves on a day to day basis has a very strong impact on how we feel about ourselves. It’s time to learn to speak to ourselves with words of love, respect and kindness, and a positive mantra is a great place to start.”

 

With My Father’s Death, Comes A Lesson For Life…With A Little Help From Our Friends.

~Frank Gjata, founder, Conscious Ink

Setting out to write my father’s eulogy, I wasn’t sure where I would land, but I was clear as to the direction I was headed.
I started my expedition with my compass pointed to the core essence of my father, Thomas. His deepest truths. What made Thomas uniquely Thomas. I mean, why mess around? If I was going to dig, I was going to break out the heaviest, and the finest detail, excavation equipment I could muster.

I wasn’t sure if I would arrive at this very specific intended destination successfully, but, fortunately, this kind of distilling and mining for truth was a practice I had grown accustomed to over the years, whether it was directed at myself, others I coached, or the universe at large.

I won’t include the entire eulogy here, but I will share how in search for some of Thomas’ deepest truths, they, serendipitously and graciously, found me first.

This was fitting…since Thomas would also often say, “Life is strange”. What he meant by that was that he noticed the synchronicities of life. He saw how everything was connected, and interwoven together.

I experienced a couple of these “life is strange” moments during this time contemplating about my father.

...this kind of distilling and mining for truth was a practice I had grown accustomed to over the years...

I have the pleasure of being an acquaintance of Anita Moorjani, a beautiful soul, and the best selling author of “Dying To Be Me” (a life-changing book which chronicles her incredible near-death experience, which I highly recommend by the way). Anita and I had tentative plans to have tea, a few days after my father had passed. She unexpectedly had to fly out to New York. I let her know that my father had passed recently, and asked her to please have her people on “the other side” welcome Thomas. She graciously said she would say a prayer for my dad, and would ask Wayne and others to look out for him for sure. I thought to myself how awesome, and delightfully unexpected…I forgot that Anita was dear friends with Wayne Dyer (that was the “Wayne” she was referring to).

Grateful to Anita for her kind gesture, I started to wonder, “Could there be a connection between my dad, who’d never read a self help book in his life, and Wayne Dyer?”

Hmmmm…

Well, for starters, Thomas was a wise man in his own right. So much so, that a family friend coined the nickname for him, “Nostra-Thomas”… a play on words with the famous seer “Nostradamus”.

Thomas knew how to go with the flow of life. And he knew how to ultimately let go. He would often say, “C’est la vie”, “water under the bridge”, and, “what can you do”. He seemed to have a strong grasp of understanding the difference between the things we can control in life, and the things we can’t.

And then, another serendipitous moment occurred during the wake for my dad. A couple of us were sharing about Thomas, talking about his warm smile, big heart, and the way he carried himself…then, all of a sudden, Anna, our 80-something year old relative with a thick Italian accent blurts out loudly and enthusiastically, “Ricchi senza soldi!”. And even before I could translate the words from Italian into English, I knew instantly that our relative Anna had sourced Thomas’ essence in a flash.

Thomas lived, “Ricchi con o senza soldi!”, which translates to, “Rich, with or without money”. I thought wow, that’s IT. That describes Thomas to a tee. This is how Thomas lived “Ricchi, con o senza soldi.” Rich, with or without money.

(And, the irony wasn’t lost on me that this moment was able to reach me when I was willing to let go trying to find it.)

So, I thought, what makes a man rich? We know that money doesn’t necessarily make one so. So what then? For Thomas, it was a CHOICE to live richly, everyday. Well, most days. And Thomas made that choice in a variety of ways. He didn’t allow circumstances to dictate the way he lived life.

Live richly, with or without money.

This is the key principle:

Choose to live richly regardless of circumstances (however that might look like for you).

Give that a moment.

So, with his “Ricchi con o senza soldi”, Thomas would greet each day dressed in a suit, polished shoes, clean shaven, and with a flower in his lapel. He wore a rich, warm smile. And he valued every interaction greatly, and intently.

He had a deep respect for life. And life noticed.

He lived richly by sharing with others what he had, regardless of what he had. He would give money, whether or not he had money to give. He made friends wherever he went, even in unlikely places, with people from all walks of life, including those he would meet on his walks, like the homeless. He would literally stop and smell the roses. And he was always prepared for adventure…saying “YES” to the invitations of life that crossed his path, without overanalyzing, questioning, or making excuses about why he couldn’t participate. That is living richly, “Ricchi con o senza soldi”! Say it with me now. It’s kinda catchy. “Ricchi con o senza soldi”.

LIVE RICHLY, WITH OR WITHOUT MONEY.

Now this sounded like a great title for a self help book I thought.

Although, as I mentioned previously, I would venture to say that Thomas never read a new age book in his life. Yet, here he was embodying, some very rich concepts in living.

I mean, who wouldn’t be able appreciate Thomas’ motto of not letting circumstances get in the way of living richly?

How might that look like for you today?

If Thomas and Wayne do end up meeting up, perhaps serendipitously, on the other side, I can envision them, very sweetly, walking (or floating?) arm in arm, enjoying each other’s company, in appreciation, joy, and wonder.

I’ll leave you with one last sentiment my dad shared with others. When he would meet someone, he would say, “It’s my pleasure”, or “The pleasure is mine.”

I, and I believe those who crossed Thomas’ path, along with the universe itself, would say the same of knowing him…the pleasure is indeed, ours.

Life can be overwhelming and sometimes... sucky! Here are 3 reasons why our inspirational temporary tattoos can help feed your mind with positive vibes!

I used to have this crazy recurring nightmare in which I would awaken from sleep to find that I was the last person left in the world.  I would run through the streets, searching shops and homes, trying to find out where everyone had gone, but as I ran, I realized that I was completely alone.  It was terrifying.

I couldn’t have imagined anything worse.  To never be able to share things with other people, to never be able to connect

 

with another person again was a completely horrifying idea.  Without those things, I can’t imagine that life would hold anywhere near as much joy or laughter.

The funny thing is that the chance of there being a total apocalypse, while not completely impossible, is pretty unlikely, and it’s even more unlikely that if all human life suddenly ceased to exist, I would somehow be the only one to survive.  So why, even after waking, did this dream send shivers of panic through me?  Why did this dream continue to plague me night after night?

For much of my life, I have had a very hard time being alone.  Growing up, it seemed I was always with other people, whether it was my sister or my friend next door.  Even throughout college, I often slept over at friends’ houses because I never wanted to go home.  I never wanted to be alone.  I think, somewhere along the way, I developed this idea that if I was alone, I would feel lonely, and who wants to feel that?

In recent years though, various life circumstances have led me to spend a lot more time by myself and, quite unexpectedly, I have come to appreciate time spent in my own company.  I actually can’t even remember the last time I had the apocalyptic nightmare and I think the reason is that I finally shone a light under the bed where the monster was supposed to be hiding and found that the fear was not based in anything true.  Rather than finding loneliness in my time away from others, I found a greater sense of intimacy with myself, an ability to be more authentic, and a deeper sense of peace

Not only did my experience of being alone shift,

but the way that I approach my time with others has changed as well.  While I certainly still love to meet new people and to spend time with my friends and family, I don’t feel such a strong need to constantly surround myself with others.  This allows me to be more thoughtful about the ways that I share my time with the people in my life and leads me to be so much more grateful for the moments I share with them, the learning that can come out of each experience, and the opportunities I have to share myself and my gifts with the people around me.  I am more present for each moment, and as a result, the sense of connectedness I gain through these experiences is so much more profound.

Since I have started being alone more, the interactions I do have with other people seem to carry more weight, and I find that I am more aware of the ways I interact with people.  The exchange with the person ringing me up in the store, making eye contact with someone I pass on the street, even conversations with people that I still speak to regularly, but much less frequently than I used to, become illuminated and I feel more attuned to the impact we have on each other and the importance of taking every opportunity to share positivity and love with others.

Another thing that I have become more attuned to is the way that loneliness does not really result from being away from others.  Loneliness can strike whether you are living a solitary life on a mountaintop or spending 24 hours a day, seven days a week surrounded by people, because loneliness is not so much a result of being physically alone.  Loneliness is the result of an emotional sense of being alone, a sense of disconnectedness, and the great thing about that is that is that it really is only a feeling.  The truth

is that we are all connected in infinite ways.  We are never truly alone, well, unless of course there actually is an apocalypse, but even then, we can connect with all the love

that we have shared, the memories of everyone who has touched our lives, and be filled up with the beauty and joy of these experiences.  We always have that choice; so as long as we choose to stay conscious of that connectedness, there may be times in life where we find that we must be alone, loneliness is always optional.

Stay conscious of your connectedness with Conscious Ink Temporary Tattoos!
They were designed to help you connect with others, with yourself, and with a wondrous state of bliss and they are available in The Conscious Ink Store

Frank Gjata: Yes! The simple act of acknowledging is so very powerful. This has become the foundation of my work as a coach/facilitator.