Conscious Inklings Blog. IDEAS, INSIGHTS & INK-SPIRATION. / happiness

We humans are quite keen on knowing where we are headed at all times. It gives us a sense of certainty. Something tangible to hold onto, like a road map that guarantees if you take all of the right turns you will arrive at your destination. The problem is that life does not work like this. Life is not a straight-line trajectory- it ebbs and flows. Often times you have to wander off-trail to figure out who you are, what it is that you want and bring these desires to fruition.

I have always been a wanderer myself- quick to abandon a promising, secure path the moment it proves to not be a fulfilling choice for me. My family and friends were particularly worried when I dropped out of high school 3 months into my freshman year. Although this is the path that is seen as necessary in our society, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more waiting for me outside the classroom.

From wandering off of the societally appropriate path, I was able to get in touch with myself and achieve what I previously thought was out of reach. Over the course of 4 years I traveled across the country, hiked through the Sierras and managed to complete my Associate’s Degree at 18, when my high school class was just graduating. This all came from listening to my intuition and letting it guide me, even when it felt insanely impractical to do so.

All too often our desperate need to know where the next step will lead blocks the guidance our intuition provides for us. Intuition is like that high school boyfriend your parents didn’t care for. It shows up, windblown hair and leather pants, daring you to hop on the back of its’ motorcycle. Every bone in your body is screaming for you to hop on, but your mind is like erm, Amanda, you have Biology at 12. And this is how you miss out on the thrill of a journey intuition paved out for you.

Wandering is an essential part of listening to your intuition.

Your intuition will lead you down awry paths that may not always make practical sense but feel right in your gut. Onlookers will likely take your swerve off-track as a sign of you being lost in life but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Following your intuition only brings you closer to yourself. In reality you are not lost, you are actually closer to finding yourself than ever before.

With that being said, I urge you to tune into that gut feeling lying beneath all of the well-laid plans. When you get the impulse to flee from the perfect path you’ve carved out for yourself, know that there is no harm in wandering off course.

Often times it is the dirt road with the overgrown bushes that leads you back to who you really are.

Amanda Brown

Conscious Ink Staffer

Someone asked me recently what my greatest accomplishment was, and to be honest, I was completely stumped.  I thought about my life and surveyed my experiences trying to determine what I was most proud of.  As I tried to think of all of the things I had achieved in my life, I realized that what I was most proud of was not something I had done so much as it was who I had become.

For so much of my life, I lived in a place of self-doubt and self-criticism.  I was so quick to ask myself “what if I can’t?” or “what if I fail?”  I chose the paths that seemed to pose the least amount of risk; but by playing it safe, I was depriving myself of opportunities for true growth and ignoring the voice deep inside of me that was beckoning me to follow my heart, to pursue the things that made me feel most alive, and to create the life that I dreamt of.

Over time, I realized that telling myself that my dreams were too big and settling for a life that seemed "good enough" was not a path to happiness.  I realized that, in order to find true fulfillment, I needed to be the architect of my own world, to develop my own unique vision of a full and happy life, and then work to create that every day.   But before I could create the life that I wanted, I needed to do some internal spring-cleaning and clear out the clutter that had accumulated in my life.  I needed to let go of the fear, the self-doubt, and the beliefs that were holding me back from living my bliss.

It is a never-ending process, and it requires a consistent, conscious effort, but as I began to clear away the thoughts and behaviors that were no longer serving me, I was surprised by the things that I found, things that were always there but had been buried under all of the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.  I found courage, not as something that magically appears out of nowhere, but as something that can be practiced and developed.  I found faith, as I surrendered myself to a life of authenticity.  The "what if"s no longer held so much weight as I found that choosing the things that feel right and true for me at my core will always lead me to where I should be.  And as I began to make authenticity a way of life, I found a kind of happiness that I had never known before--a happiness that radiates from deep within me, one that doesn’t hinge upon the opinions of others or things going my way or measurable forms of success.  The happiness that I found was the joyful experience of truly being myself and its has impacted my life in so many ways.

I am now more present, every day.  I work harder at everything I do because I own the choices I make and choose to do the things that nourish my soul.  I try to embrace every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow, and I bring more positivity into my relationships and the world around me because I have discovered a powerful source of love and light inside of myself, and I am absolutely certain that there is no accomplishment that could be greater than that.

“Whomever you truly are... honor that person. No dream was ever realized by disappearing into the shadows of self-deceit and doubt.”  - Jaeda DeWalt

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