Sweating Our Way To Peace & Freedom.
Best-Selling author Gay Hendricks would often say…I’m paraphrasing here…something to the effect...you’re just a five-minute sweaty conversation away from peace, freedom, and vitality.
What he is advocating for is for us to have those uncomfortable conversations that we’ve been too afraid to have…that we’ve been avoiding like the plague!
Here’s the truth. No matter how scary it may seem, no matter how sweaty we may get, we can make it through a five-minute sweaty conversation…and not only survive, but thrive, because of it.
First, of course, you want to make sure you feel safe, physically and emotionally, to have such a vulnerable conversation. And that the other person would be open to it. If you feel safe, then the best way to find out if they’d be up for it is to simply ask them.
You could say something like, “I’m wondering if you’d be open to having a conversation that I’ve been avoiding like the plague.” Be sure to speak your truth, authentically and vulnerably. Also, perhaps surprisingly, invoking some humor often helps.
Pro Tips For Having Challenging Conversations:
— Ask the other party if they would be open to such a conversation.
— Set up a time that works for both parties.
— Speak from the heart. Focus on your experience. Share how you feel with “I” statements.
— Speak your “unarguable truth”, also coined by Gay and Katie Hendricks. This is perhaps the most important and effective thing one can do. Speaking the unarguable truth means just that…meaning whatever you speak...can't be argued with.
See example below:
Unarguable Truth: “The other day, when you said (fill in the blank), I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t speak. I just felt this large void in my chest. I felt painfully sad."
If you examine the sentence above, there is nothing someone can argue about. That was your experience. Someone else can’t argue with your experience.
Arguable Truth: “The other day, when you said (fill in the blank)…you were the biggest asshole ever known to mankind! How could you?!
Now, I’m sure at times, we may feel that statements like the above are unarguable, but if someone can argue the other side, it’s not arguable. Sorry.
BONUS: Speaking your unarguable truth also works great…guess when? In the middle of an argument!
If you find yourself in an argument, just speak something “unarguably”. End of argument. Just like that.
Try it out!
So, you may know where this is going…resist making a run for it…opt to take a couple of deep breaths instead…here’s the million-dollar question:
Have you been putting off any of these kinds of conversations?
With whom?
Take a moment. Get in touch with your unarguable truth. Perhaps, journal about it.
Then, muster up some courage, and get ready to get sweaty!
Once we make it through such a conversation, we may not only feel lighter physically (from all the sweating) but, in most cases, we will feel lighter from having released all the emotional and energetic baggage we’ve been carrying around.
Happy sweating to you.
Frank Gjata
Founder, Conscious Ink