Conscious Inklings Blog. IDEAS, INSIGHTS & INK-SPIRATION. / bliss

Life is short. There is no time to waste time on what does not matter. What matters is our bliss and our bliss and doing whatever it takes to achieve that.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of balance.  It’s one of those things that we often take for granted, like our health, but once we’re struggling to maintain it, its value becomes abundantly clear.  Losing your balance physically can be an uncomfortable and even scary experience.  One moment you might be standing with your feet planted firmly on the ground, but then the surface beneath you shifts, and your body must immediately respond in order to regain stability.  Luckily, our bodies are built with systems that work automatically to maintain physical equilibrium.  We don’t have to think about how to adjust when we feel ourselves becoming unsteady; our limbs simply move into place to attain balance once again.  But, what happens when the loss of balance occurs on an emotional or spiritual level?

 We can lose our emotional balance in a number of ways.  Unexpected life events sometimes leave us feeling as if the ground beneath our feet has shifted or we dedicate too much of our time or energy to only one aspect of our lives.  Over time, too much or not enough work, play, sleep, or food eventually take its toll on our wellbeing.  Addictions, emotional struggles, and unfair expectations lead us to push the boundaries of what is healthy for ourselves, and we restrict, over-indulge, pressure, or neglect ourselves until we feel completely disconnected from our own centers.  We suddenly find ourselves living lifestyles that aren’t sustainable, but how do we stop?  How do we find the balance that we lost?

Any yogi can tell you that balance is a skill that must be practiced and honed.  It is not a static state that will necessarily persist once attained, but requires constant maintenance.  You might find your balance, then start to lose it, recalibrate, and find balance again only to feel it slip once more.  While our physical response to losing balance is automatic, it is still an ability that can be refined and the same is true of our ability to maintain emotional balance.  It is through the practice of staying present in each moment and staying connected to our inner truths that we build a deeper awareness of the unique set of factors that lead to a strong spiritual foundation in each of our lives.  As we becomes more tuned in to our emotional states, we see more clearly the signs that let us know when we have pushed ourselves too far or have neglected something that is vital to our sense of wellbeing, and we give ourselves the opportunity to become experts in the never-ending art of creating balance.

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There were really only a few different types of thoughts that were coming up for me and the category of thought that seemed to be most prevalent and most persistent was what I call “planning”.

Have you ever known someone who appeared to have the secret to life?  Someone who inspires you on a daily basis to be a better you just by being, well, them? I’ve been lucky enough to have a few of these people in my life and I have always been amazed by the way they seem to never really struggle too much with anything.  While it’s possible that these people are just really lucky and never have anything negative happen in their life (okay, actually not possible), it seems to me that somehow they have managed to figure out how to respond to whatever comes their way with an incredibly grounded sense of peace and acceptance.

This is certainly not to say that their lives are perfect by any means, but that in the midst of even their most difficult times, they know that the moment will eventually pass, and they focus on looking for something positive in every moment, every interaction, every life experience that comes their way.  They make it their mission to find joy, beauty, and love in everything around them.

So this is the part where I remind you that the title of this article is “The secret to life” not “ I have the secret to life”, because I certainly haven’t figured this one out, yet.  Still, I have been very observant of those around me who seem to have the hang of it.  I notice the ways that they breathe into the difficult moments, let go of the things that do not serve them, and move towards the experiences that make them feel blissfully alive, and I take very good notes.  (Mostly, mentally though because it might creep my friends out a bit if I was following them around with a notepad and pen.)

I pay close attention as they handle the situations that arise in their own lives with a sense of acceptance and faith, compassion for themselves and others, and a joy that is not based in anything more than the simple joy of being alive and present for the moment at hand.   I watch as they approach their experiences with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to laugh at life’s ironies and at themselves.  I watch and I remind myself that the secret to life is not a magic bullet that rushes in, but is, in fact, a practice.  It is a conscious choice to set positive intentions for yourself and others every day.  It involves a constant dedication to creating a life that is rich with positivity and love, and even though it may not make all of life’s difficulties disappear, it most certainly creates a new perspective in which every experience can be embraced as part of the simultaneously intricate and beautifully simple experience of a life well-lived.
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I was having a conversation with a family friend recently and the topic shifted to the importance of forgiveness.  My conversation partner mentioned that she felt like she was pretty good at forgiving people and I responded by telling her that I forgive, but that first I need a resolution.  She very quickly pointed out that that was not, in fact, forgiveness because forgiveness is not conditional.  When she said this, I had an immediate physical reaction.

I wanted to argue with her, to defend myself, and to tell her that you can’t just decide to forgive someone.  I wanted to say that you have to truly feel forgiveness before you can bestow it upon someone else, and as much sometimes I wish I could, I can’t choose what to feel.  Clearly, her comment had struck a nerve, and in my experience, that typically means that someone has shone a light on a truth that is difficult to face.

Since our conversation, I noticed that messages about forgiveness were popping up all around me, and once again, I knew that the universe was trying to show me the places inside of myself where I still had room to grow.  If I am going to be really honest, I have not been very good at forgiving people.  I have struggled with holding on to hurt and anger, and at points, have held grudges for very long periods of time.

I used to think of forgiveness as something that we do for someone else, to release another person from their guilt, but in recent years, I have had a new experience of forgiveness.  I have had moments in which, quite spontaneously, I could feel myself releasing the hurt and anger that I had held onto from old, broken relationships.  These moments left me humbled as I felt the heavy burden of carrying all of that negative energy lift, and this new sense of lightness led me to the realization that forgiveness is much more about the individual who is giving forgiveness than the one who is receiving it.

The actions of others that tend to hurt and anger us the most are usually the ones that reflect the parts of ourselves with which we struggle most intensely.  The things that are the hardest to forgive are often the things that hit closest to home, the things that we too feel guilt around.  Just like you have to truly love yourself before you can love another, you must also forgive yourself before you can forgive others, and the key that unlocks the door to forgiveness is compassion.

Jack Kornfield says that, “forgiveness simply means never putting another person out of your heart.”  As we develop a deep sense of compassion for ourselves, we can extend that love and understanding to include those around us.  While it may not be possible to simply choose to feel forgiveness toward someone, we can start with trying to understand that person.  Even the tiniest spark of empathy can be fed and tended to until it builds into the full flame of compassion that allows us to release hurt and pain and to let go The temporary tattoos in the Conscious Ink Store were designed to promote personal growth and inspire people to live the most authentic, blissful lives they can imagine.

Someone asked me recently what my greatest accomplishment was, and to be honest, I was completely stumped.  I thought about my life and surveyed my experiences trying to determine what I was most proud of.  As I tried to think of all of the things I had achieved in my life, I realized that what I was most proud of was not something I had done so much as it was who I had become.

For so much of my life, I lived in a place of self-doubt and self-criticism.  I was so quick to ask myself “what if I can’t?” or “what if I fail?”  I chose the paths that seemed to pose the least amount of risk; but by playing it safe, I was depriving myself of opportunities for true growth and ignoring the voice deep inside of me that was beckoning me to follow my heart, to pursue the things that made me feel most alive, and to create the life that I dreamt of.

Over time, I realized that telling myself that my dreams were too big and settling for a life that seemed "good enough" was not a path to happiness.  I realized that, in order to find true fulfillment, I needed to be the architect of my own world, to develop my own unique vision of a full and happy life, and then work to create that every day.   But before I could create the life that I wanted, I needed to do some internal spring-cleaning and clear out the clutter that had accumulated in my life.  I needed to let go of the fear, the self-doubt, and the beliefs that were holding me back from living my bliss.

It is a never-ending process, and it requires a consistent, conscious effort, but as I began to clear away the thoughts and behaviors that were no longer serving me, I was surprised by the things that I found, things that were always there but had been buried under all of the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.  I found courage, not as something that magically appears out of nowhere, but as something that can be practiced and developed.  I found faith, as I surrendered myself to a life of authenticity.  The "what if"s no longer held so much weight as I found that choosing the things that feel right and true for me at my core will always lead me to where I should be.  And as I began to make authenticity a way of life, I found a kind of happiness that I had never known before--a happiness that radiates from deep within me, one that doesn’t hinge upon the opinions of others or things going my way or measurable forms of success.  The happiness that I found was the joyful experience of truly being myself and its has impacted my life in so many ways.

I am now more present, every day.  I work harder at everything I do because I own the choices I make and choose to do the things that nourish my soul.  I try to embrace every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow, and I bring more positivity into my relationships and the world around me because I have discovered a powerful source of love and light inside of myself, and I am absolutely certain that there is no accomplishment that could be greater than that.

“Whomever you truly are... honor that person. No dream was ever realized by disappearing into the shadows of self-deceit and doubt.”  - Jaeda DeWalt

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Frank Gjata: Yes! The simple act of acknowledging is so very powerful. This has become the foundation of my work as a coach/facilitator.